Tag Archives: Ezekial Bread

Oh Blog, where art thou?

Hello, and Happy Tuesday!!

Life has been pretty hectic lately as ya’ll know with the cousin visiting, but I have finally found me some time to do some proper posting.
I am MIA no mo’ 🙂

So yesterday I took my cousin to a theme park called Canada’s Wonderland. It was loootsss of fun. We went on the biggest rides, all day. And by the end my body was so shaken up, I didnt know what was up, down, left, right. It was cah-raazzaayy. We may or may not be going again later this week 😉

There was a slight incident though. Knowing I was going to be at the park ALL DAY I packed some very necessary snacks with me including Boost, Luna Bars, Fruit Snacks etc, to make sure I wouldnt be behind on servings. Well we get to the park, and immediately I am told to throw out all food (they know how to keep makin dolla dolla)

At first (and I know this is ridiculous) I wanted to cry. I felt stranded, I was in this park all day, without my ususal staples, and thought I would end the day SERIOUSLY behind in servings.

The first hour or so, I acted fine, but was freeaakking out inside, telling myself I was screwed, I would have to cram food in later, there was nothing to eat in the park but candy and burgers blah blah blah. When we finally got on the first ride I was stoked to have some serious distraction from my thoughts. The ride worked amazingly well in calming me down. As I was flying through the air on that ride, everything I was worrying about seemed kinda…stupid. The ride LITERALLY shook the worries out of me. I got off the ride, took a look around me and thought:

“all these people couldn’t bring their food in, and they are not freaking out. Why Can’t I just eat like everyone else? Whats the big deal? So what if I have to have the Boost when I get home, so what if I can’t have the exact granola bar I want, is this irrational? YES!

While I was still anxious, I felt more at ease with the situation and ready to just enjoy the day with my cousin on some craazzyy rides. And you know what ladies? Things worked out fine! 20 minutes later, we passsed by a snack stall stocked with Kashi granola bars and Nutrigrain products. (Don’t ya’ll love how healthy-er food is becoming more in demand?) I was also able to grab a Mr. Sub for lunch, while my cousin chowed down on two slices of Pizza. (My 5th sub in 5 days? yes. My cousin loves subs, so most of his requested meals are just that. I was getting tired of it, but for some reason by the time lunch rolled around, I was like “mmm sub.” …I have been brainwashed…subwashed..?

While the change in plan was hard, it was a great lesson. You can’t always get what you want. And once I am off this meal plan, and back to normal eating, I won’t have to worry about servings goals etc, and sometimes my eats will be unplanned and unexpected, and if I want to get better, I have to accept that!! All in all it was a great day, and a great lesson.

(and it didnt hurt that the kashi peanut butter bar I got at the park was deeeeelish) 😉

Here are some of the eats I managed to stealthily photograph over the past few days (blog is still a secret, schwing!):

IMG_0322Maple Nut Clif Bar and a Double Tall Soy Latte

DSC01855English muffin, half plain with just naner slices and butta. The other half with DCD and banana, panini’d together. The banana was so large, I still had LOTS of slices left over to enjoy on da side with my Cup o Joe.

DSC01857Strawberry Cottage Cheese with All Bran, and a snaaazy spoon. Oooooo Bendy.

IMG_0330Ezekial Bread with buttah, laughing cow cheese and tomato slices, Vanilla Boost 🙂
Photo 62Salmon burger with brown rice, carrots, apple slices, and juice. The burger was topped with some maple teriyaki sauce and laughing cow cheese.
Weird?
Yes. Yum? Most def.
Photo 64Choco Overload:
Mini So Delicious Ice Cream sammie with Chocolate Pudding, Whopper Chocolate Balls and some chocolate milk. 🙂

Well there you have it. Things have been going pretty well, and I am feeling pretty good. My cousin is here for another week, so it should be just as crazy as this one has been, though I kinda have a handle on it now, and think I can do a bit more posting.

Alright well I am off to do a movie marathon with my cousin, (4 in one night, yeaah buddy) I am sending you all lots of love and left over popcorn!!
xx

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Bad News…

Well it’s Hump Day!

And unfortunatley I’m in a little bit of a slump (hah, witty)
Last night my parents went out to dinner together, and when they got back I could tell something was wrong. My dad didnt talk to me, or look me in the eye, and my mom was being SUPER nice. Too Nice.

About an hour later, I got to talking to my mom. And..it wasn’t good. It turned out that over dinner my dad told her that he had e-mailed my school, and my landlord (I was renting a house with 4 other girls next year) and told both that I would not be returning for school and asked for instructions on how to delay my courses/rent.  

At first I couldn’t speak. I literally had no words. This was something my dad had been kind of threatening if my weight didn’t go up more, soon. But it was something he was going to talk to me about first. And then he just did it anyway. I felt betrayed.

I have been working so hard, and going back to school has been my main motivation, and now it seems that has all gone away. 

I know my housemates are going to be annoyed because now they have to find someone else to take the room, and I know that everyone at school is going to know why I am not there. I know they are going to be talking about how I couldnt come back because I was still sick. And whats worse, and what is scaring me right now, is that while the first few months people will notice I’m not there, soon they will get used to not having me around, and maybe soon I won’t be missed. And even if I do get to go back next fall, I feel like it will all be so different. I will be a year behind everyone else, and everyone will know why I had to take a year off. I feel so ashamed. and gosh, girls, I just feel so sad. 

A part of me feels all my hard work has gone to waste. But the deepest part of me knows that is wrong. The progress I have made still counts. And I need to hold onto that right now, and not go the other direction, because really that won’t make things any better. I am going to keep gaining, and keep moving forward. The sooner my weight goes up, the sooner I can get back to LIFE!

Who knows, maybe I can go back in January, and only be half a term behind.

Its just so frustrating to me because I haven’t been weighed since I started this new meal plan last week. I may very well have gained, and my dad is just assuming the worst!!!

I’m seeing my therapist today, and maybe he will be able to help me sort through this. But yeah, I’m not feeling so fantastic right now. 

My best friends having a BBQ tonight, so I’m hoping that will lift my spirits a little. It will be nice to see friends, and get away from the parents and “reality” of it all for a bit.

“ahh yesterday…all my troubles seemed so far awayyyy..”

Breakfast:
Photo 62Egg McMuffin:
1 egg scrambled, 1 laughing cow wedge on an english muffin, panini’d to perfection.
1 banana sliced up, and some unpictured Java.

I was gonna have the blueberry yogurt, but was feeling kind of full, so decided to have some dairy lataaaa.

After Breakfast, my mom invited me on an outing to Ikea, and I happily obliged. Being Swedish, Ikea is the closest thing we have to our Scandinavian roots here in Canada, and so we pay them a patriotic visit from time to time 🙂 
One of my favourite things about Ikea, are their Swedish Meatballs,
 my oh myy, I used to always get the managers special portion (oh you know the one, with like 20 meatballs!?) which I would have done the yesterday had I not just eaten my lovely breakfast sandwich. We did however walk by the Ikea cafe, where I saw this somewhat shocking poster.
DSC01725

A whole breakfast like that for ONE DOLLA!?

Is anyone else concerned with what the food is made of when they sell it for a single buck?

Crazy ikea corporation swedish folk.

 

After roaming around Ikea for a bit, we didn’t find much of anything, so we decided to just head home, but we did manage to pick up some daim mini bites (ahhhmazzzinngg chocolate, I can only ever find them  in Ikea) I was stoked.

Once we got home, I got to snackin’
DSC01729
Creamy Vanilla Yogurt and a crumbeled up Fruit n Fibre Bar. Yum Yum Yum.

While eating, I did my blogging for the day, and some facebook chattin/creepin. 

Then me and my mom realised that the Micheal Jackson Memorial was on TV! 

We watched for a bit, pretty huge event eh? I thought it was pretty well done, and nice that his life could be celebrated like that. I do have to say though, that I find it hard to forget that he may or may not have violated some young kids…so I still feel kind of iffy about the guy. 😦

Some time later lunch was eaten, but i guess I was pretty hungry, cause I totally forgot to take a picture!! It was pretty standard though, turkey, laughing cow cheese, tomato and mustard on a whole wheat pita, with some apple slices, kashi crackers 1tbsp cream cheese aaaand some lovely mango orange juice. Yum. 
 
After lunch my brother got home from work and suggested we go for a bike ride (which I made sure was quick and light no worries 😉 )

We just biked around my neighbourhood and it was really nice to be out of the house in the nice weather, and doing a bit of exercise!! I definetley noticed that my muscles were a little weaker from not having exercised in soooooo long. But I understand that my body needs a rest, and I’m happy to give it them time it needs. I’m just looking forward to building up that strength again some day 🙂

After the bike ride I was feeling kind of  peckish (sp?) 

DSC01732

Banana and Butter on a slice of ezekial toast, which I paired with a tropical cottage cheese, and a Strawberry Boost.

Jenna left me a comment the other day saying that Strawberry was the best Boost flavour, so I made sure to pick some up, and my oh my was she ever right. It was delisshh!!

Sometime after this snack my parents got back from dinner, and thats when the day took a pretty sharp turn from fine to terrible. My mom, seeing I was upset took me out for a bit, which was nice. I definetley did not want to be in the house with my dad at that point.

A part of me does think that a year off would be good for me, to give me time to truly get completly better. But I wish it could have been MY decision, not my Dad’s. Its my life, and right now it doesn’t seem I have much say in it 😦

I needed some cheering up, so I treated myself to a dinner fit for a King Queen.

DSC01742

The lightings a little off, but this beauty was a Salmon Burger Pattie, brushed with maple teriyaki sauce (from the barefoot contessa, love that biddy) brown rice, spinach and steamed veggies accompanied by a laughing cow cheese wedge, apple slices, and some almond milk 🙂
This was super yummy, satisfying and filling. It was also a step in the right direction. 

Not going back to school is a bit of a set back, but Im not going to give up now on getting better. I am NEVER going to go back to restricting. 

Cause (and the wit continues) it has really only restricted my freedom in life!!

The Cherry on Top:

DSC01746 

Deep chocolate vitamuffin top, with vanilla pudding, chocolate milk, aaaannnnddd a couple daim bites. (yum!)

 

 
Well I am off to get myself ready for some BBQ action, I just got back from my therapist, and shiz was good, but I’ll leave that for another post, cause this one is LLOOONNNGGG.

Love you all! Stay Strong!! I know I’m gonna try!
xx

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“You can always go, Downtown…”

Gooood Morning, I hope you all had a great start to the week.

Mine was pretty good. As nice as it was to be with my friends this weekend, it felt good to get back to routine a bit, and just enjoy a day to myself 🙂

Breakfast was deeeelish:
DSC01720 Cinnamon Raisin Bagel
, buttered post picture, 1/2 green apple, strawberry cottage cheese (more than pictured, I just put some on the plate for you ladies to seee) and some 1% milk

This was my first time having these cinnamon raisin bagels, and my oh my were they good. For everyone in Canada, these are the Presidents Choice Bleu Menu Cinnamon Raisin Bagels. I highly reccomend them, delicious, and good for you!!

After breakfast I uploaded my pictures and videos from the cottage, blogged,  and then caught up with all of your lovely blogs, and it seems everyone had a great holiday weekend 🙂

After all that time in front of the computer, I needed to get myself out of the house. So got myself prettied up, and walked downtown (only about 10 minutes from my house, our area is great in that way as it is really quiet and feels closed off from the bustle of the city, yet in reality, its just a few blocks away 😉 ) The weather was amazing once again, so I walked slow and just took it all in.

photo-2 Once downtown I grabbed myself a double tall soy latte (are we sensing a pattern here?) and nibbled on this bar that I grabbed before leaving the house.

Kellogs Fruit n Fibre Bar. They don’t sell these in Canada, but I bought a big box of them when I was in Iceland. I know they are not the healthiest for you, methinks there may be some high fructose corn syrup in there. But I really like em’. So whatevvvaaaa.

Of course I also ended up in Whole Foods, where I restocked on some things: deep chocolate vita tops, some clif bars, a mint jocolat bar, yogurt, and some Amy’s instant meals (personal cheese pizza, spinach and feta pocket) I’m looking forward to trying out 🙂 

Are there any Amy’s products you guys reccomend?
I have had the burrito, and I loved that, but I definetley wanna expand on that. There are many a time when an instant meal would come in handy. 🙂 

Then I headed back home with all the yummy loot. Once I got home, and sorted all the stuffs away, I made myself some lunch:
Photo 572 slices Ezekial Bread, with 1 large turkey slice, 1 slice melty plastic cheddar, and some mustard. And as always, 1/2 green apple, 9 kashi TLC crackers, and some lemonade. We were out of carrots, I cried a little.

I didn’t realise until I uploaded the picture, but my outfit yesterday def had a halloweeny feel eh?

Twas a very yummy lunch, it had been a while since I had proper sandwhich bread, and my oh my had I missed it. After lunch my mom said she had to do some grocery shopping downtown, and asked me if I wanted to go along

grocery shopping? downtown (again!?) Obvi I went.

It felt really good to be out of the house so much today, and also spend some more time with the moms. We unfortunately got in a bit of a fight on the way home (shes basically just frustrated with my whole situation (slow weight gain etc), and sometimes that comes out in somewhat unreasonable arguments) While at first I decided to just storm off and walk ahead of her home, about 3 minutes in, I realised I wasn’t achieving anything, and it would just make things worse later. So I sucked it up, went back to her and said I didn’t want to be in a fight with her. I was still mad, but after about 10 minutes the anger passed, and she apoligized for blowing up as well. Crisis averted 🙂

Once we got home I decided to give my bestie a ring. Girlie had just gotten out of work completley exhausted and was headed to the gym to get her sweat on. (Thats one of the things I use to motivate myself, the sooner I get my weight up, the sooner I can begin to be active again and build a healthy relationship with exercise.) For the most part it was just a normal catch up sesh, but then she kind of surprised me by saying “what was wrong at the cottage?” I was definetley surprised by this, because as I told all you girls I had a great time. But I guess she noticed a few of the times I had mini panics about the unplanned food and such, cause she said there were times when she would see me and knew I was not all there, that a lot of me was preoccupied with what was in my head, (people know us much better than we think.) I explained to her the worries I had been having some of the time, but assured her I did have a great time. She was happy to hear that, but kind of upset that I had not talked to her about it, and reminded me to keep being open with her. At the time, I didn’t want to talk to her about it cause i didn’t want to ruin her good time at the cottage, but she said the only thing that really hindered the weekend for her was that she felt I was holding back from her, and that all she really wanted was for me to tell her at the time and let me know what was going on, so she could help me! 

I honestly feel so blessed to have friends that truly care about me, and are really there for me no matter what. I just need to remember to reciprocate. Be as open with them as they are with me, and be more present in their lives, and NOT pull away.  

Feeling resolved I headed down to the kitchen and whipped up a snack:
Photo 59

1/2 english muffin with 1 tbsp white chocolate wonderful (yum) 1 banana, and a chocolate boost. 

After this snack I decided my hair was lookin a little nasty, and felt I should shower. Enjoying feelin so fresh and so clean clean, I chilled around the house doing pretty much nothin’ until the hunger started to roll around, and I decided to start making some dinner. 

After reading this fabulous blog, I was craving myself a chicken wrap for dinner. So away I went on preparing some chicken for my wrap. However, being the forgetfull girl I am, I left my chicken in the oven tooo long, and the beauty burned. 😦

It was getting too late to wait another half an hour for another chicken breast, so instead I microwaved myself a veggie burger and enjoyed the resulting meal: 

Photo 61 Sol veggie burger with some more melty cheddar cheese, tomato slices, onion, mustard and ketchup on a whole wheat hamburger thin. Obvi it went on the panini grill too. Still lacking in carrots, I had MORE apple slices, some blueberry yogurt, and my fruit punch gatorade on the side. 

After dinner, I watched Kramer vs. Kramer with the parents. Its a great movie from the late 70’s starring a super young Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep. The movie basically focuses on a custody hearing between Hoffman and Streep over who should have sole custody of their kid (cutest kid ever by the way) after Streeps character leaves the family with no explanation for 8 months, only to return saying she wants the kid she had left! Craaaaazyy.

All in all it was a pretty good start to the week. Theres not too much planned for this week, which I am actually kind of looking forward too. Just taking it easy and seeing where the week takes me.

A BIG thank you for your supportive comments. Its really nice to know that my blog is being read, and hearing from you girls that I am doing well, is even more affirming, and motivates me to keep getting better! 🙂

Now you know I had to end the day on a sweet note:
DSC01722 
A deep chocolate vita muffintop (microwaved to maximize yumminess), with smores pudding and some chocolate milk. 

A yummy end to the day.

Alright I am off to watch the MJ memorial on TV. Should be pretty epic.

Have a great day girlies!!
xx

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