Tag Archives: salmon burger

Oh Blog, where art thou?

Hello, and Happy Tuesday!!

Life has been pretty hectic lately as ya’ll know with the cousin visiting, but I have finally found me some time to do some proper posting.
I am MIA no mo’ 🙂

So yesterday I took my cousin to a theme park called Canada’s Wonderland. It was loootsss of fun. We went on the biggest rides, all day. And by the end my body was so shaken up, I didnt know what was up, down, left, right. It was cah-raazzaayy. We may or may not be going again later this week 😉

There was a slight incident though. Knowing I was going to be at the park ALL DAY I packed some very necessary snacks with me including Boost, Luna Bars, Fruit Snacks etc, to make sure I wouldnt be behind on servings. Well we get to the park, and immediately I am told to throw out all food (they know how to keep makin dolla dolla)

At first (and I know this is ridiculous) I wanted to cry. I felt stranded, I was in this park all day, without my ususal staples, and thought I would end the day SERIOUSLY behind in servings.

The first hour or so, I acted fine, but was freeaakking out inside, telling myself I was screwed, I would have to cram food in later, there was nothing to eat in the park but candy and burgers blah blah blah. When we finally got on the first ride I was stoked to have some serious distraction from my thoughts. The ride worked amazingly well in calming me down. As I was flying through the air on that ride, everything I was worrying about seemed kinda…stupid. The ride LITERALLY shook the worries out of me. I got off the ride, took a look around me and thought:

“all these people couldn’t bring their food in, and they are not freaking out. Why Can’t I just eat like everyone else? Whats the big deal? So what if I have to have the Boost when I get home, so what if I can’t have the exact granola bar I want, is this irrational? YES!

While I was still anxious, I felt more at ease with the situation and ready to just enjoy the day with my cousin on some craazzyy rides. And you know what ladies? Things worked out fine! 20 minutes later, we passsed by a snack stall stocked with Kashi granola bars and Nutrigrain products. (Don’t ya’ll love how healthy-er food is becoming more in demand?) I was also able to grab a Mr. Sub for lunch, while my cousin chowed down on two slices of Pizza. (My 5th sub in 5 days? yes. My cousin loves subs, so most of his requested meals are just that. I was getting tired of it, but for some reason by the time lunch rolled around, I was like “mmm sub.” …I have been brainwashed…subwashed..?

While the change in plan was hard, it was a great lesson. You can’t always get what you want. And once I am off this meal plan, and back to normal eating, I won’t have to worry about servings goals etc, and sometimes my eats will be unplanned and unexpected, and if I want to get better, I have to accept that!! All in all it was a great day, and a great lesson.

(and it didnt hurt that the kashi peanut butter bar I got at the park was deeeeelish) 😉

Here are some of the eats I managed to stealthily photograph over the past few days (blog is still a secret, schwing!):

IMG_0322Maple Nut Clif Bar and a Double Tall Soy Latte

DSC01855English muffin, half plain with just naner slices and butta. The other half with DCD and banana, panini’d together. The banana was so large, I still had LOTS of slices left over to enjoy on da side with my Cup o Joe.

DSC01857Strawberry Cottage Cheese with All Bran, and a snaaazy spoon. Oooooo Bendy.

IMG_0330Ezekial Bread with buttah, laughing cow cheese and tomato slices, Vanilla Boost 🙂
Photo 62Salmon burger with brown rice, carrots, apple slices, and juice. The burger was topped with some maple teriyaki sauce and laughing cow cheese.
Weird?
Yes. Yum? Most def.
Photo 64Choco Overload:
Mini So Delicious Ice Cream sammie with Chocolate Pudding, Whopper Chocolate Balls and some chocolate milk. 🙂

Well there you have it. Things have been going pretty well, and I am feeling pretty good. My cousin is here for another week, so it should be just as crazy as this one has been, though I kinda have a handle on it now, and think I can do a bit more posting.

Alright well I am off to do a movie marathon with my cousin, (4 in one night, yeaah buddy) I am sending you all lots of love and left over popcorn!!
xx

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Bad News…

Well it’s Hump Day!

And unfortunatley I’m in a little bit of a slump (hah, witty)
Last night my parents went out to dinner together, and when they got back I could tell something was wrong. My dad didnt talk to me, or look me in the eye, and my mom was being SUPER nice. Too Nice.

About an hour later, I got to talking to my mom. And..it wasn’t good. It turned out that over dinner my dad told her that he had e-mailed my school, and my landlord (I was renting a house with 4 other girls next year) and told both that I would not be returning for school and asked for instructions on how to delay my courses/rent.  

At first I couldn’t speak. I literally had no words. This was something my dad had been kind of threatening if my weight didn’t go up more, soon. But it was something he was going to talk to me about first. And then he just did it anyway. I felt betrayed.

I have been working so hard, and going back to school has been my main motivation, and now it seems that has all gone away. 

I know my housemates are going to be annoyed because now they have to find someone else to take the room, and I know that everyone at school is going to know why I am not there. I know they are going to be talking about how I couldnt come back because I was still sick. And whats worse, and what is scaring me right now, is that while the first few months people will notice I’m not there, soon they will get used to not having me around, and maybe soon I won’t be missed. And even if I do get to go back next fall, I feel like it will all be so different. I will be a year behind everyone else, and everyone will know why I had to take a year off. I feel so ashamed. and gosh, girls, I just feel so sad. 

A part of me feels all my hard work has gone to waste. But the deepest part of me knows that is wrong. The progress I have made still counts. And I need to hold onto that right now, and not go the other direction, because really that won’t make things any better. I am going to keep gaining, and keep moving forward. The sooner my weight goes up, the sooner I can get back to LIFE!

Who knows, maybe I can go back in January, and only be half a term behind.

Its just so frustrating to me because I haven’t been weighed since I started this new meal plan last week. I may very well have gained, and my dad is just assuming the worst!!!

I’m seeing my therapist today, and maybe he will be able to help me sort through this. But yeah, I’m not feeling so fantastic right now. 

My best friends having a BBQ tonight, so I’m hoping that will lift my spirits a little. It will be nice to see friends, and get away from the parents and “reality” of it all for a bit.

“ahh yesterday…all my troubles seemed so far awayyyy..”

Breakfast:
Photo 62Egg McMuffin:
1 egg scrambled, 1 laughing cow wedge on an english muffin, panini’d to perfection.
1 banana sliced up, and some unpictured Java.

I was gonna have the blueberry yogurt, but was feeling kind of full, so decided to have some dairy lataaaa.

After Breakfast, my mom invited me on an outing to Ikea, and I happily obliged. Being Swedish, Ikea is the closest thing we have to our Scandinavian roots here in Canada, and so we pay them a patriotic visit from time to time 🙂 
One of my favourite things about Ikea, are their Swedish Meatballs,
 my oh myy, I used to always get the managers special portion (oh you know the one, with like 20 meatballs!?) which I would have done the yesterday had I not just eaten my lovely breakfast sandwich. We did however walk by the Ikea cafe, where I saw this somewhat shocking poster.
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A whole breakfast like that for ONE DOLLA!?

Is anyone else concerned with what the food is made of when they sell it for a single buck?

Crazy ikea corporation swedish folk.

 

After roaming around Ikea for a bit, we didn’t find much of anything, so we decided to just head home, but we did manage to pick up some daim mini bites (ahhhmazzzinngg chocolate, I can only ever find them  in Ikea) I was stoked.

Once we got home, I got to snackin’
DSC01729
Creamy Vanilla Yogurt and a crumbeled up Fruit n Fibre Bar. Yum Yum Yum.

While eating, I did my blogging for the day, and some facebook chattin/creepin. 

Then me and my mom realised that the Micheal Jackson Memorial was on TV! 

We watched for a bit, pretty huge event eh? I thought it was pretty well done, and nice that his life could be celebrated like that. I do have to say though, that I find it hard to forget that he may or may not have violated some young kids…so I still feel kind of iffy about the guy. 😦

Some time later lunch was eaten, but i guess I was pretty hungry, cause I totally forgot to take a picture!! It was pretty standard though, turkey, laughing cow cheese, tomato and mustard on a whole wheat pita, with some apple slices, kashi crackers 1tbsp cream cheese aaaand some lovely mango orange juice. Yum. 
 
After lunch my brother got home from work and suggested we go for a bike ride (which I made sure was quick and light no worries 😉 )

We just biked around my neighbourhood and it was really nice to be out of the house in the nice weather, and doing a bit of exercise!! I definetley noticed that my muscles were a little weaker from not having exercised in soooooo long. But I understand that my body needs a rest, and I’m happy to give it them time it needs. I’m just looking forward to building up that strength again some day 🙂

After the bike ride I was feeling kind of  peckish (sp?) 

DSC01732

Banana and Butter on a slice of ezekial toast, which I paired with a tropical cottage cheese, and a Strawberry Boost.

Jenna left me a comment the other day saying that Strawberry was the best Boost flavour, so I made sure to pick some up, and my oh my was she ever right. It was delisshh!!

Sometime after this snack my parents got back from dinner, and thats when the day took a pretty sharp turn from fine to terrible. My mom, seeing I was upset took me out for a bit, which was nice. I definetley did not want to be in the house with my dad at that point.

A part of me does think that a year off would be good for me, to give me time to truly get completly better. But I wish it could have been MY decision, not my Dad’s. Its my life, and right now it doesn’t seem I have much say in it 😦

I needed some cheering up, so I treated myself to a dinner fit for a King Queen.

DSC01742

The lightings a little off, but this beauty was a Salmon Burger Pattie, brushed with maple teriyaki sauce (from the barefoot contessa, love that biddy) brown rice, spinach and steamed veggies accompanied by a laughing cow cheese wedge, apple slices, and some almond milk 🙂
This was super yummy, satisfying and filling. It was also a step in the right direction. 

Not going back to school is a bit of a set back, but Im not going to give up now on getting better. I am NEVER going to go back to restricting. 

Cause (and the wit continues) it has really only restricted my freedom in life!!

The Cherry on Top:

DSC01746 

Deep chocolate vitamuffin top, with vanilla pudding, chocolate milk, aaaannnnddd a couple daim bites. (yum!)

 

 
Well I am off to get myself ready for some BBQ action, I just got back from my therapist, and shiz was good, but I’ll leave that for another post, cause this one is LLOOONNNGGG.

Love you all! Stay Strong!! I know I’m gonna try!
xx

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New In Town

Goood Morning All!
I hope you all had a lovely wednesday, mine was pretty good 🙂

I woke up kinda late, so I immediately fixed myself a loverly breakfast:

DSC01679

Egg McMuffin: english muffin with one scrambeled egg and a slice of mozzarella. Accompanied by 1/2 a golden delicious, leftover egg, and some ketchup. Was gonna have the soy milk, but opted for some espresso after the picture was taken 🙂

Then it was straight on to cleaning. Me and my parents cleaned the entire house yesterday, it was craziness. And it was all because my brother was arriving yesterday from Iceland. For some reason whenever a family member is arriving, or returning from a trip, its like an expectation of our family that the house be perfectly clean. Its kind of hilarious, especilly since I’m sure my brother would barely notice a difference, but its nice I guess to make an effort. 🙂

Around 11 my best friend called me, and asked if I would go with her to buy some breakfast (she eats late) which I was def up for, so biddy came over, and off we went. Within 5 minuts of being in her car, she asked how I was, why we hadnt talked in so long (2 days..which is a long time for us haha) and whether I had anything I wanted to talk about. This immediately reminded me of what my therapist had been telling me about being more open with my closest friends (see last post) and so I was happy that the oppourtunity was presenting itself so quickly. I tried my best to explain my behaviour and situation to her:  I told her that even though I wanted to talk to her so many times about what was going on, and I wanted to tell her everything, my fear of being a nuisance, or bringing down the mood of the chill sesh (dont know where that term came from) always kept me from letting her in. I also apoligized for being so absent from her life, I don’t know about you girls, but I definetley isolate myslef quite a bit. It just feels safer to stay home with my parents and the food I know, where I have control, than to go out with friends and just live life unplanned. I explained that this was something i was going to work on changing, and even better, she said she would help me do that! She also told me that it only ever made her happy when we talked about it, because it made her relived to know what was going on with me, to hear I was working on getting better, and made her feel she could help me in some way. We ended up having a really good talk, and both opened up to eachother, and a lot of the tension that had been underlying in our relationship was lifted. After the heavy talk, she came back to my house and had her breakfast, while I had a snack, and we just talked and hung out like old times, it really felt great. Girlies, if you have a friend you are holding back from, for fear that they don’t want to hear about your ED, or because you don’t want to talk about it yourself, let that person in. I can tell you now from experience, theres no better feeling than reconnecting with a friend you were beginning to distance yourself from. I think when we stop caring about ourselves, its easy to forget that other people still do care about us. Being alone ain’t no fun, friends are good for the soul.

DSC01683I didn’t photograph my snack with my friend, no one knows about this bloggie, except for my mom, but here’s what snack consisted of, a creamy vanilla yogurt and a to go pack of all bran buds. Love me some fibre.

The rest of the day was continued mmaaaaaddd cleaning. I took a break from my windex and cloth around 2 for some lunchie:

photophoto-1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
My photographing skills clearly still need some work, but the pita was filled with a laughing cow cheese wedge and a large slice of turkey and some mustard. Then some carrots, the other 1/2 of my golden delicious apple, Kashi TLC Crackers and mango juice.

I ate my lunch while watching an episode of Frasier. I absolutely love old sitcoms, I could rewatch episodes of seinfeld or frasier anyday. So much better than all this new reality TV bussiness…not that I don’t love me some housewives of …jon and kate plus 8 or paris’s new BFF now and again. haha

Something kind of challenging for me today was implementing an increase to my meal plan. I started with a new dietitan on Monday, who said I should add either a boost or a clif bar everyday, to up them cals just a lil more 😉

Photo 998She told me to have it with lunch, which I had planned on doing, but it ended up being a bit too overwhelming for me, so I waited 2 hours, and then I got down to bussiness. I lovelovelove clif bars, so for my first day of the new meal plan, I thought I would start with something I truly enjoy. Maple Nut, which is my favourite flavour so far, and some vanilla soy milk.

As far as clifs go I have tried maple nut, toffee peanut buzz, carrot cake, chocolate chip and chocolate chip peanut crunch. My fav has always been maple nut, with chocolate chip peanut crunch in a close second. Any flavours you girls reccomend? I am dying to try the WCM clif, but noooo dice, seeing as they aren’t sold here in Canada. lameeeo.

After the clif, I went for a quick walk with my dad in the lovely canada day weather. When we got back we found out that our neighbour had decided to throw a Canada Day street party, and was setting up BBQ’s and a cooler full of brewski’s. So suddenly we had Canada Day plans, which was great 🙂

I hung out with my neighbours, which was great cause I hadn’t seen them all in a long time and we all used to be super close. There about 5 of us on the street all around the same age, and growing up we literally spent everyday together. Because my brother is a whole 12 years older than me he moved out for school around when I was 7, so having these other kids on the street was great for me. They were like the siblings I never had 🙂

At around 7 I had to scurry off quickly to tuck into this snack: 1/2 an english muffin, with some banana and a good amount of PB (maybe?) washed down with some mo’ vanilla soy milk.

DSC01686DSC01689

 

 

 

So I am sticking to this peanut butter challenge, but I need some help from you girls, does that amount of PB seem decent?
Then it was back to the street party. Which was lots of fun. About half way through the evening, my brother arrived!! WEEE!! It was great to have him back. My family always feels complete when he is around..wonder why, haha. So I chilled with him and my neighbours and enjoyed the BBQ, along with some BBQ delights:

DSC01691Salmon Burger on a whole wheat pita, with a laughing cow cheese wedge, ketchup, and some carrots. (The nice thing about a street party..your own condiments are just steps away..

Once again, I will take some food photography classes, cause that shit looks naaassty.

Well once again I feel like this post may be dragging on, so I’m gonna wrap it up soon. All in all it was a great day. I really stuck to my meal plan, aimplemented the supplement increase with little anxiety, reconnected with my best friend, chilled with the my childhood besties, and got my brother back. An excellent start to July, and a great Canada day.

So I’ll finish off with desert, and a song ya’ll should give a listen to. I used its title as the name of my post because 1. I am new in this blogging town, 2. my brother just got back to town, and 3. my best friend can absolutely not get this song out of her head. Its a goodie. New in Town <—click it

DSC01694Chocolate pudding, with 2 mini soft chocolate chip cookies, and some chocolate milk. 🙂

Oh and just a quick note about my eats. I don’t think I am gonna post everything I eat in a day always, but just for these first few posts I will, cause they kinda give my posts direction, and also because I am trying to make myself come to terms with the amount of food I am eating, and accept that its what I need to get better. I am also posting all of my eats right now, because I remember reading blogs, and seeing what other girls were eating, and realising that I was not alone in having to eat a lot really helped me to stick to my meal plan, and stay motivated. 🙂

So, if your reading this, and your going through a meal plan situation like me. We need it girlies!! It will make us better! And instead of resisting it, lets enjoy it! Like my best friend said to me yesterday, she would trade my meal plan with what she eats anyday!

Hope you all have a great day!
Lots of Love!

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