Highs and Lows

Oh I always do this, say I’m gonna blog, and then don’t. Life has just been so hectic.

I finished my midterms last week, and actually felt pretty good about them. I got an 85% on an essay they returned early, yeyeye nourished brain produces good results. πŸ™‚

As my post title suggests, life these past few weeks has been a series of highs and lows. I have had days where I have felt like everything is just falling into place, like I am exactlly where I need to be, and then there are days where I start focusing on my every flaw, my every failure, and those days can be hard to come back from.Β But with the support of my friends, family and program, I am enjoying mostly good days.

From blog reading I did this morning (yep I’m still reading, just not writing) I saw that this week is the beginning of National Eating Disorders Awareness Week. When I woke up this morning, I was in one of those low moods, beating myself up for silly things – and after blog reading I made the concious descision to turn it around.

When I reflect to where I was during NEDA week last year, I see I have a lot to be thankful for. I am back at a healthy weight, back in a healthier mindset, back at school, reforming relationships, going out, getting an education, LIVNG LIFE – and suddenly it hit me, what was I doing dwelling on the negative, when there was so much positive currently in my life.

Sometimes it just takes a little effort to turn those moods around, and as hard as it can be to do, its always worth it.

What I did was put on a nice outfit, did my hair, and took myself out to y neighbourhood coffee shop for my favourite bevie. And now I’m blogging πŸ™‚ Both these things make me very happy.

I do want to start commenting again-so this will happen, soon, maybe. But posts will be more frequent.

Eats as of Late:

Cinnamon Raisin Bagel with Cream Cheese, Jam, Cinnamon and a Side of Notes

SImple Pleasures Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies and Strawberry Cottage Cheese

premium plus crackers with DCD. amazing.

Mars Caramel Bar. Deeelish.

Oh also recently have tried two things at Starbucks

1. Thai Tuna Wrap – this is available here in Canada, maybe its different in the U.S – either way, it was amazing, I reccomend it.

I also recently tried their Red Velvet Cupcake – I was not a huge fan, but maybe I will try the vanilla bean one, give it one more shot, they look to good!!

Alright well thats all for me

Expect me more on the regular. Maybe.

LOVE.

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Battlefield

Happy Thursday Y’all
(Pauala Deen Stylezzz)

Hope all your weeks have been lovely, and that the January weather is treating you well. The weather in my college town has been BEAUTIFUL lately. So much snow, yet kinda warm. Perrfy.

Life has been pretty hectic, as always, since my last post. I spent Sunday and Monday in my college town organizing school (and picking up a class in German!!!!) Then on Monday night I was off to Toronto again for my program check ins on Tuesday and Wednesday. And then right after program I was off to school again Wednesday night.

Me and the train staff are becoming besties, is all I can say.

Eats

Monday

I got up bright and early at 7am and grabbed this delish pre-run snack

Kashi Dark Mocha Almond – Just picked these up last week. NOM. This was perfect, caffeine, chocolate chips, almonds? Yes please!

Then I was off to the gym for a 25 minute run, 5 minute cool down and stretch.

When I returned home I probably made some amazing breakfast favourite – possibly waffles? though I cant remember, I was to hungry to stop and photograph πŸ˜‰

Then I was off to meet with my German prof, to catch me up on the material I had missed. I am loving german. It is soo much fun.

Wunter ist wird = Winter is here.

Amazing.

After some studying and coffee drinking, I returned home for some lunchie.

For the main course I had a veggie burger burger wrap consisting of: sol veggie burger, 2 laughing cow wedges, tomato slices, ketchup, mustard, s+p and obvi more condiments on da siddee. And for my high energy – three 2 bite brownies. Yum. Hit the spot.

The rest of mondays eats went unphotographed, though I am sure they were fantastic and blog worthy – I just fail at food photography lately. Hence here are two randoms eats from Tuesday and Wednesday.

Tuesday Dinner

This I like to call “Tuna Casserole a la Go-Go”

1 cup whole wheat pasta, 1 laughing cow cheese wedge, tuna, some olive oil, s+p and some ketchup flavourings. I paired it with some necessary veg, and loved every bite. It tastes like tuna casserole!! But takes like 20 minutes to prepare vs. 1 hour 20 minutes, chu knoooo?

Wednesday Breakfast

After finishing my lovely morning run I returned home to this lovely morning fuel. 175g raspberry yogurt, with a naner sliced in, alongside wholegrain toast, spread with laughing cow and jam. Yummers.

But unfortunately, thats all I got for ya in foodie pictures πŸ™‚ I will get better, promise!!

In other news..

Program went well as always, I am finding it incredibly helpful to keep me on top of taking food risks and working on my body image. I am finding it very easy to fall into safe eating behaviours at school, which is a little worrisome.

School is also proving to be a very tirggering environment for exercise. While I have managed to stick to the activity I planned with program staff, I am finding myself tempted by the behaviours of some of my friends, who go to the gym everyday!

It is in those times I must remind myself, that working out everyday is not normal. In fact, it is better to give the body a rest! I find myself referring back to beliefs in yoga – such as honouring the body, thanking it for the strength it has given you, and listening to what it tells you. When I hear that voice telling me to go “a bit faster” or “for another 15 minutes” I stop it in its tracks and instead, thank my body for what it has done, and reward it by stopping when I feel tired and strong, rather than exhausted and over-run.

The mind can often become a battlefield, especially when dealing with something like an Eating Disorder, or any destructive thoughts at all! A constant war between helpful and unhelpful thoughts. But if you keep up the resistance, you will become stronger, and those healthy, positive thoughts will eventually conquer. πŸ™‚

Also related to the Battlefield theme, this song – is stuck in my head the past few days. Im sure you all know it, but just to remind you how awesome it truly is:

Katrina asked me on my last post how I was doing with my meal plan

Thank you for the question πŸ™‚
I am happy to report that I am still fully on my meal plan. I get all my intakes in, and when I exercise I make sure to have extras. And I feel soooo much better – stronger, healthier, ALIVE, now that I am nourishing myself properly. Even studying is a breeze now. I remember last year barely being able to get through a chapter, because I was so preoccupied with silliness such as calories, meal times, what I would eat next, what I had eaten etc. Now I can actually focus on and enjoy the topics I am learning about in school.

Please if any of you have any questions, or just wanna say a quick hello, please do, I obvi love all comments πŸ™‚

Plans for the rest of the day consist of STUDYING. SO much learning to do for midterms which start next week. And then tonight we are hitting up the bars, cause today is Thursday, and thats just how we roll.

Wishing you all the best!!
xx

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Oh la la

Sunday already! Where does the time go!!

I guess it does fly by when you are having fun

Montreal was amazing, I was there from Thursday night to Saturday morning, in which time I got 8 hours of sleep TOTAL. That city just literally does not sleep.

We did manage to sneak in a library sesh on their beautiful campus, but the rest of the time was go go go go go.

We walked around the city, went to DEP’s (their convenience stores, mostly filled with liquor) went to my friends production of Eurydice (which was surprisingly good) and of course went to bars downtown.

And once again, I felt soo normal being on this trip. Lately, I haven’t been thinking about my illness or treatment, which feels incredible. Cause for obvious reasons, its been something thats pretty much constantly been on my mind since I became sick in December 2008. And this weekend, I just felt like “me” with my friends, and treatment just felt like something far far away. It was great! I also took those two days off from exercise and felt fine without it. Infact even 3 days of break a week may be good, so I may take today off as well πŸ™‚Β I was able to get in all my required food, and had a well nourished, amazing trip.

I will definitely be going back sometime soon, I absolutely loved it, and with only a 3 hour train ride, its a skip and a jump from my college town. πŸ™‚

I got back to my college town yesterday and somehow managed to stay awake all day on only 3 hours of sleep. I saw my housemates, met up with old floormates, went for a run, and then spent the evening with my 2 friends watching trash TV (such as the Jersey Shore finale, which who am I kidding, it not trash, is golden) it was a perfect day.

Here are the few eats I did photograph:

Ate this on the train to Montreal (with free internet!!) This flavour just came out in Canada and I am looovving it. Pumpkin Pie?? yum.

This was a breakfast I threw together at my friend’s caf. There wasn’t much up for offer, so I had to get a little creative. This is 2 100g containers of yogurt, 1 banana, whole wheat toast with helllaa jam and a coffee. Great fuel for my non stop day.

Breakfast on the go –

I grabbed this starbucks oatmeal and soy latte before hoping on the train. Into the oatmeal went a banana, salt and pretty much all of that brown sugar pack it comes with. Amazing.

Breakfast this morning

1 cup maple nut oatmeal crisp cereal with a banana sliced in and 1/2 cup vanilla almond milk. This was a bit of a risk for me, this cereal scares me a bit for silly reasons, so what do I do? Have it.
And learn there is nothing to fear, just maple-y cereal to enjoy

Have a lovely sunday girls!!
xx

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In transit

Hello Lovelies

Hope you all got through your humpdays swimingly

Mine was all over the placeee. Literally.

Recap anyone?

Quick Disclaimer: I have started to incorporate more exercise into my lifestyle, but its all planned, and I do make sure to eat extra for that activity. When we burn more, the body needs more, and I am aaallll about nourishing the body, ya dig?

My plan is running 3 times a week (25 minutes each), and doing yoga 2 times a week, and then two rest days. However, if I miss a day or two, or three, am I gonna fret?

Hell to thaaa no.

Exercise is for enjoyment, and should not be something rigid and regimented.
Wheres the fun in that!?

So this morning, I woke up bright and early to hit up the gym with my dad.

Before going – I enjoyed a Nature Valley Sweet n Salty Almond Bar along with some necessary java

I know it says "peanut" but just imagine "almond" mmm.

Then proceeded to do my 25 minute run, cooldown and stretch.

To change things up I showered this time when I got home (though unfortunatley I don’t do that on the daily haha)

I was sooo fresh and so clean clean

For a proper breakfast I decided to make my first ever stove-top-oats!!

I was a little nervous I would screw it up, but they ended up perfect!!
Banana Peppermint Chocolate Oats

I used 1/3 cup oats, 2/3 cup of peppermint chocolate soy milk (yum!!) 1/3 cup water, splash of vanilla extract, pumpkin pie spice, 1 banana and a loving dollop of Maranatha Peanut Butter

I definetley wanna keep experimenting with stove top oats. This kept me full for a while, and just seemed better quality than the instant oat packs I usually make..

Next up, PB and Jelly Oats. (Obvi I would make mine PB, Banana and Jelly Oats.)

Then I was off to check in with the program (with a double tall soy latte in tow)

Group went really well. Even though I am finding it hard not to be with my friends at school for the whole week, I know I need the support of the girls and staff to keep my meal plan and recovery in check. After handing in my weekly food journal to the staff, they said they noticed a difference in my eating while I was at school, and that the food choices had been much safer.

That freaked me right out, cause I had not even really noticed it. I do NOT want to fall back into old behaviours. I am more than ready to move on. So more program it is πŸ™‚

After group we all took a lunch risk together and had bagel sandwiches with cream filled cookies as our high energy serving.

Imagine this:
mutigrain bagel with ham, swiss, lettuce, tomato, mayo, mustard, s+p and then 2 oreos and 2 fudgeeos.

It was a risky lunch that definetley challenged ED, but I just enjoyed the conversation with the group, and actually really liked all components of the lunch πŸ™‚

To be honest, I love bagels. I used to be terrified of them, but I have had them enough times now to know, they do not kill me. In fact, they taste daaammnn goood. Cinnamon Raisin Bagel with some cream cheese? yes please!

After lunch I chatted with the girls for a bit, but then had to speeed downtown to make my 3:30 train back to my college town πŸ™‚

The train ride is only about 2 hours and 15 minutes, which I usually fill with movie watching

But now that I am back in classes, I have a shiiiiitload of readings to catch up on alll thhee timmmeee. As soon as I think I’m done, new ones pop up! Its crazy.

So I used those 2 hours to make a serious dent in my workload, and to snack obvi..

peanut butter n jelly larabar, yummers

Once home, I unpacked, cleaned my room, and then headed out to the grocery store for some necessities (tropical cottage cheese, frozen chicken breasts, tuna, bananas and gum…

weird grocery list, I know, but I am leaving town again tomorrow, and I didn’t wanna get stuff that might go to waste, y’all know what I saaaaay?

After chilling with my housemate and doing some necessary facebook creepin, I began dinner preps.
Chicken, veggies (with some butttaaa) 1/2 sweet potato and a buttload of mustard and ketchup (trust, more was added, much more) and an un-pictured laughing cow cheese wedge.

To add a sweet ending to my meal I had a buttersctoch pudding, it hit the spot πŸ™‚

Question though: I boiled the sweet potato for about 35 minutes and it ended up kinda mushy. How would you guys prepare Sweet Potatoes?

I love em’ but just dont know how to cook em.

After dinner, the rest of my housemates came home, and we spent the rest of the eve just watching some TV, and catching up.

And as I write this I am having my evening snack

creepy photobooth picture, sorry!!

6 whole wheat premium plus cracker, 1 LC wedge, 1 tbsp raspberry jam, a single serve of tropical cottage cheese and a mug of aqua.

Well that was one long day, I woke up at home and in program mode, and am calling it a night in my college town back in student mode.

Tomorrow I am off to visit my best friend in Montreal, so I gotta rest up, cause I probably wont be doing much of that this weekend. Will give you guys a recap Sunday.

Enjoy your weekends girls!! Much love, xx

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Transitions

Hey all. Just about 4 days since my last post.

Not bad right? Am I still considered on the wagon?

What a hectic week this has been.

Amazing, but hectic.

I love love love love love being back at school. I cant remember the last time I felt more myself and just NORMAL.

Just hanging out with friends, going to classes, going to bars, sleeping in, eating when I’m hungry (still following a meal plan, cause I aint quite ready to be on my own with that) and just living life!!

It was extremely hard for me to leave my college town and come home for my 3 days of program. I just wanted to stay at school and with that normal feeling forever.

But alas, I came back last night and went to program today. Now I know how ridiculous this is, cause I have only been away for a week, but I felt so out of touch with the program. Being there today, I felt like I was back in my first week, asking myself “what am I doing here?”

While I love and missed my program girls while I was away, they were kind of the only reason I wanted to come back.

The rational side of me knows I still need this program to make a smooth transition back to school, and back to normal life. But part of me also just wants to leave it all behind, and move on you know? Forget it ever happened!!

But alas, it did happen, and I know I have to tread lightly, and take the support I am being offered, so that I never ever return to that illness.

Just gotta grow me some patience…hahaha

I haven’t been food photgraphing much, but I’ll give you a quick overview of todays morning eats πŸ™‚

Breakfast came in two parts: Part One (Pre-Run)
I grabbed a kashi cherry dark chocolate bar and a coffee

then I proceeded to the gym with my dad for a 20 minute run (+5 minute cooldown) followed by some stretching…and no shower…am I gross, maybe kinda..

Then I headed over to Starbucks nextdoor and picked up a proper breakfast on the go…

(Not my picture, I love the interweeeb πŸ™‚ )

Ham, Cheese and Egg Frittata on an Artisan Roll, paired beautifully with a double tall soy latte

Its times like this I am thankful for the program though, because months ago I never could have imagined being ok with having this breakfast, and this morning, I damn well enjoyed it.

Hope all your weeks are going well!!

xx

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Days go by…

Happy 2010!!

So Hard to believe its already another decade!! I hope all your new years were very fun and ones to remember!

I am sorry about my lack of posting. December ended up being a really hectic month for me, what with friends coming home from University, christmas, program, and preparing for school, I barely had time to catch my breath.

But now I am rededicating myself to this blog. I really do love, and miss blogging. Not only for the community, but also for myself, getting my thoughts and some eats down on “paper” really settles me, and keeps me connected with the healthy lifestyle I want to maintin. So here we go again πŸ™‚

I dont think I will be posting everyday, but I’ll try to every 2-3 days or so.

Sooo, since I last posted lots has happened.

First of all, I AM BACK AT SCHOOL!

Living with my housemates in a small town 3 hours from home.

I am absolutely loving it. Having some normalcy back in my life has been so refreshing, and its been great to be going to classes, seeing friends and just being my old self.

Now obviously, there are some struggles. Β This can be a really triggering time of year, especially with everyones new years resolutions pushing them to be on a diet, or working out everyday at the gym etc. But rather than let it get to me, or trigger eating disorder behaviours I am seperating myself from it. What other people do should not affect what I do. I know what is best for me, and over-exercising and dieting is a path I never want to go down again.

To make sure I transition nicely I am going to be going home for 3 days a week (Monday-Wednesday) for the first month to check in with the program, and make sure I am still on track. I don’t want anything to jeoprodize my recovery, better safe than sorry.
But I am hoping to be mostly at school my February πŸ™‚

So in brief, that is what is new with me πŸ™‚

I will fill you guys in on more as the posts keep coming, but this is mainly just a post to get myself back into the swing of blogging. Ooo and quickly show you all some eats. πŸ™‚

I have mainly been photographing breakfasts, cause lately I seem to be out or with friends for lunches and snacks (yay no isolation!! πŸ˜‰ )

Breakfast Eats
These occur pretty frequently πŸ™‚

French Toast with a sliced Banana, Maple Syrup and Javaaa

Oats made with 1/2C Vanilla Soy Milk, 1/3C water, 1 banana sliced, pumpkin pie spice and some WCW

Todays Breakfast πŸ™‚ 2 eggo cinnamon waffles, 1 sliced naner, some berries and strawberry cottage cheese (lovveess)

Snack Attacks

Whole Wheat Premium Plus Crackers with some Laughing Cow and Jam and some Vanilla Pudding

Tried this bar for the first time...VEERRY GOOOD. Definetley felt the 18g of protein. Perfect bar for when MAD hunger strikes.

I may have used this picture already...but my brother brought me back a TON of these from his trip to the states. Love em, definetly live up to their reputation. These and Lunas frequent my eats. πŸ™‚

Alright, well that all for now ladies. Expect a post sooooon.

If there is one resolution I have, BLOG.

Nuff said. Its happening.

xx

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p.s

I almost forgot!!

Everyone should head over to Emily’s blog to check out her amazing 12 days of christmas giveaway. Deadline to enter is midnight tonight!! Good luck!! Im crossing my fingers πŸ˜‰

xx

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